Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Do You See Color In My Life Or Am I Still Black And White?
If only the world were just mountains and lakes I would be in heaven with blues and greens all around. Red and yellow would be so surprising in the fall and at night, unlike now with tungsten lights and LCD alarm-clock radios. Perhaps humanity should be grey and leave the colors to nature. But then, we've always envied nature - her beauty, simplicity, reliability, mystery. Above all, I see my life a struggle to emulate nature. I always feel closest to God in the mountains, in the water. And when I am diving with sharks or sleeping beside mountain goats, I feel the last pieces click into place: somehow I see the path from Lego’s to legs, from grape-juice to booze - it makes sense. But I am sleeping in a bed now and I no longer understand. I have taken it out of me. I left it fifteen hundred miles away in a cave of Canon de Chelly, at an overlook of the Grand Canyon, in the hills above Taos, in the ocean around Hawai’i, in the Enchantments of the Cascades. I left it on Aasgard Pass where my expletives echoed up the fifty degree climb. I left it on Little Annapurna in my footprints. I have a childlike fascination with things complex, predictable, and surprising. Nature is all but she pulls it off in simplicity. I say hello to her in the morning, the trees outside my window. I tried to paint them once. Perhaps humanity should leave the colors to nature. I know a painter who wants to mix every beautiful color she finds. I just want to watch it, learn it, see that color in my life.