Tuesday, October 31, 2006

B-Horror Flicks!

1. Alien from L.A. - Let's just get the premise out there, Kathy Ireland is a nerdy girl who still looks gorgeous but whose father falls down a bottomless pit and lands (stay with me) in a ten million year old spacecraft. She does the same. The spacecraft is Atlantis, which had floated on the surface of the ocean for years, but suddenly sank a couple thousand years ago. It sank so long ago that Atlantians debate whether there is a surface world or not. I give it a C+.

2. I Married A Monster From Outer Space - Interesting. A guy gets anal probed the night before his wedding and looses all taste for alcohol. Then I fell asleep. I give the first half a C.

3. Killer Klowns From Outer Space - Wow. Um. What? Did that clown that looks like a balloon just shoot popcorn out of a gun? F.

4. High Tension - A French Lesbian drama meets compulsive necromancer in plumbing van. Actually quite well done, but takes itself too seriously for my tastes. A-.

5. Return Of The Killer Tomatoes - George Clooney with hair that blows me away. Tomatoes turn into humans. That's it. It is cheesy and stupid, but ultimately mindless and fun. A+.

6. Evil Dead II - This was good! I liked it. There is this mythological element, as well as your stereotypical horror flick elements: man turns into zombie, then gets better with daylight, cuts off his hand and replaces it with a chainsaw, fights the devil and they both get sucked into a wormhole where he saves the world. It was just serious enough for me. A+.

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