Thursday, August 30, 2007

My Response To Collin's Discovery Of The Greatest Show On TV

My Favorite Quotes from the new Top Gear. And we all know it's 80 times better than the old one, though I watched that one too for a long time.

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Jeremy: There are two sides to Holland. The Rembrandt side: where time is spent in stuffy boardrooms painting accountancies and very important people. Then there's the van Gogh side: where you move to the south of France and cut off your ear. Which side do you think [the Spyker C8] comes from?

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James: The reason, I think, that the Porsche is the best car is, you know when you drive some cars, you get a, a sense that the car is smiling, when you're driving?
Richard: What on earth are you talking about?

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Jeremy: ...it even has the traditional Mercedes voice activated computer which doesn't understand a blind word you're on about. Let me show you... Dial number.
Mercedes Computer: Dialling.
Jeremy: I haven't told you what to dial yet... Dial number.
Mercedes Computer: The number please?
Jeremy: 01785.
Mercedes Computer: 0785.
Jeremy: No, you missed the one.
Mercedes Computer: Pardon?
Jeremy: You missed the one.
Mercedes Computer: The number is deleted, please continue.
Jeremy: See what I mean?
Mercedes Computer: 202.
Jeremy: Where did that come from?
Mercedes Computer: Pardon?
Jeremy: And so it goes on.

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Jeremy: I have an announcement to make. Top Gear, this... pokey motor show on BBC2, this week won--I've got it here--in New York, an Emmy! We've won an Emmy! Check it out!"
Richard: Wow! Can I touch it?
Jeremy: What this is for, okay, is for the best non-scripted entertainment show that wasn't made in America. That's us!
Richard: Why didn't you go and pick up the award from the ceremony?
Jeremy: Well, because I was writing the script for this week's show.
Richard: Thing is though, when the Office, you remember that sitcom series?... won some Golden... Globes recently, the whole of the BBC ground to a halt while everyone said congratulations and... they were showered with, like, gifts, and gold and diamonds...
Jeremy: It's true, the director general of the BBC spent a whole week rubbing warm pig fat into the back of Ricky Gervais.
Richard: So, how many chocolate covered lap dancers do you think were sent to us?
Jeremy: [to the audience] How many do you think? Not a damn thing!
Richard: Nothing!
Jeremy: And if you think that's outrageous, then please write to us, as of Monday, to Top Gear, Channel 4 television...

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Richard: Look. A petrol station, the natural home territory of the Ford GT. And there it is, at the watering hole, drinking its fill. For the forty-seventh time today. How can he need more?
James: Have you noticed how his right bicep is now slightly bigger than his left one?
James: ...have you also noticed that when he fills his car up, he stands like a teapot?
Jeremy: James, I've run out of money.
James: Have you... what an interesting predicament.
Jeremy: Please can I borrow some money.
Richard: I'm not--we're not bailing you out!
James: You want me to pay for your petrol?
Jeremy: Yes!
James: Right, the nation is observing...
Jeremy: I haven't got any money...
James: ...while I fund your ridiculous petrol habit.

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Richard: James, well, let's put it this way: if you were to be locked inside a phone box for half an hour with: a) a lion, and b) a monkey, there you go! what would you go for?
James:The lion.
Richard and Jeremy: What?
James: No, you see, monkeys, in confined spaces, those monkeys get really, really vicious.
Jeremy: I love the fact that James thinks that monkeys are, in some way, the greatest peril that we're facing... in the next hour of our lives.

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Jeremy: Uh... it's on fire.
Richard: What?! It can't be on fire! It's on fire.
Jeremy: It's on fire. Just run. Just run.
Jeremy: The thing is, we managed to set fire to something that's basically made of water!
Richard: How did you do that? Did you see the owner of the car wash afterwards?
Jeremy: He was...
Richard: Cross. Very cross.
James: He was especially cross when I rang him up and asked if we could have our three pounds fifty back.

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Jeremy: If you go though the Pearly Gates, backwards, in a fireball, that's a cool way to die!
Richard: I love that vision of just blasting through the gates, backwards, in a flaming Swedish supercar! Yes! I'm here! Where are the women?

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Richard: Ow! Oh, that sounded expensive.

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Richard: Ow!
Jeremy: Was that your finger?
Richard: There's gonna be swearing!

1 comment:

Collin said...

Hooray!!! I actually someone come up to me this weekend at the Decatur Book Festival to tell me they had read my blog on Top Gear and were now TiVo'ing it. I love this show!