My Favorite Quotes from the new Top Gear. And we all know it's 80 times better than the old one, though I watched that one too for a long time.
Jeremy: There are two sides to Holland. The Rembrandt side: where time is spent in stuffy boardrooms painting accountancies and very important people. Then there's the van Gogh side: where you move to the south of France and cut off your ear. Which side do you think [the Spyker C8] comes from?
James: The reason, I think, that the Porsche is the best car is, you know when you drive some cars, you get a, a sense that the car is smiling, when you're driving?
Richard: What on earth are you talking about?
Jeremy: ...it even has the traditional Mercedes voice activated computer which doesn't understand a blind word you're on about. Let me show you... Dial number.
Mercedes Computer: Dialling.
Jeremy: I haven't told you what to dial yet... Dial number.
Mercedes Computer: The number please?
Mercedes Computer: 0785.
Jeremy: No, you missed the one.
Mercedes Computer: Pardon?
Jeremy: You missed the one.
Mercedes Computer: The number is deleted, please continue.
Jeremy: See what I mean?
Mercedes Computer: 202.
Jeremy: Where did that come from?
Mercedes Computer: Pardon?
Jeremy: And so it goes on.
Jeremy: I have an announcement to make. Top Gear, this... pokey motor show on BBC2, this week won--I've got it here--in New York, an Emmy! We've won an Emmy! Check it out!"
Richard: Wow! Can I touch it?
Jeremy: What this is for, okay, is for the best non-scripted entertainment show that wasn't made in America. That's us!
Richard: Why didn't you go and pick up the award from the ceremony?
Jeremy: Well, because I was writing the script for this week's show.
Richard: Thing is though, when the Office, you remember that sitcom series?... won some Golden... Globes recently, the whole of the BBC ground to a halt while everyone said congratulations and... they were showered with, like, gifts, and gold and diamonds...
Jeremy: It's true, the director general of the BBC spent a whole week rubbing warm pig fat into the back of Ricky Gervais.
Richard: So, how many chocolate covered lap dancers do you think were sent to us?
Jeremy: [to the audience] How many do you think? Not a damn thing!
Jeremy: And if you think that's outrageous, then please write to us, as of Monday, to Top Gear, Channel 4 television...
Richard: Look. A petrol station, the natural home territory of the Ford GT. And there it is, at the watering hole, drinking its fill. For the forty-seventh time today. How can he need more?
James: Have you noticed how his right bicep is now slightly bigger than his left one?
James: ...have you also noticed that when he fills his car up, he stands like a teapot?
Jeremy: James, I've run out of money.
James: Have you... what an interesting predicament.
Jeremy: Please can I borrow some money.
Richard: I'm not--we're not bailing you out!
James: You want me to pay for your petrol?
James: Right, the nation is observing...
Jeremy: I haven't got any money...
James: ...while I fund your ridiculous petrol habit.
Richard: James, well, let's put it this way: if you were to be locked inside a phone box for half an hour with: a) a lion, and b) a monkey, there you go! what would you go for?
Richard and Jeremy: What?
James: No, you see, monkeys, in confined spaces, those monkeys get really, really vicious.
Jeremy: I love the fact that James thinks that monkeys are, in some way, the greatest peril that we're facing... in the next hour of our lives.
Jeremy: Uh... it's on fire.
Richard: What?! It can't be on fire! It's on fire.
Jeremy: It's on fire. Just run. Just run.
Jeremy: The thing is, we managed to set fire to something that's basically made of water!
Richard: How did you do that? Did you see the owner of the car wash afterwards?
Jeremy: He was...
Richard: Cross. Very cross.
James: He was especially cross when I rang him up and asked if we could have our three pounds fifty back.
Jeremy: If you go though the Pearly Gates, backwards, in a fireball, that's a cool way to die!
Richard: I love that vision of just blasting through the gates, backwards, in a flaming Swedish supercar! Yes! I'm here! Where are the women?
Richard: Ow! Oh, that sounded expensive.
Jeremy: Was that your finger?
Richard: There's gonna be swearing!