Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: 2005 - My Eyes Are Still Bleeding From The Awfulness

Film Review: I have come to accept that I will never know why this jumble of crap has a 59% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Did I like a single thing about this? Well yes, actually, I did. But this movie is worse than Vogon Poetry. Much worse.

The cinematography was an absolute joke. As bad - or possibly even worse - than Eragon. The visual effects were okay, the Vogan's being the only interesting bit there (Yes, that's the part of the movie I liked). The dialog was not so much written as shat out. And the list goes on. But this is just what goes into most movies today though, why is this one particularly bad?

1. It's all so stereotypical it comes off mono: Apparently, in space, every single person/thing is 100% stereotypical. From the rock and roll president to the ultra-logical priest, from the repulsive Vogans to the British man just chasing after women and tea while not fully ready for either, could this movie support any more stereotypes? Trust me it does. You see, it doesn't trust you to understand a little thing called character depth, or even character development for that matter.

2. Humor: Namely, there isn't any. The only funny part is the computer. The big one. The one that just toys with the galaxy for fun and watches television. Besides that, it's okay humor I guess, but the lack of acting passion just drags it down to the ground.

3. Actors need not apply: The acting can't even be called acting except for Mos Def, and then only at a couple of parts, and quite possibly only because I like Mos Def. Martin Freeman and Bill Nighy (Two of my favorite British Actors) almost act, but overall the performance of the actors cannot be called acting - they're just there to collect their checks. They are dead weight on screen.

And those three reasons are why I hate this movie. It's true, I hate this movie. The narration is inconsistent, the humor is lackluster, there is no acting, and it's all just one big stereotypical love-fest. And it comes off horrible. Do not watch this movie unless the fate of humanity depends on you watching it. And even then, the price may be too high.

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